Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
