mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
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