i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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