I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
