I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
