smell my finger.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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