if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
