im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
that may or may not have been my penis.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
