im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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