Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
