I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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