5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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