FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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