I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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