He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
