Pappa wants mamma naked
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
