i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
