I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
