actually, I'm a sock model
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Randomize
