Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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