Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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