I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
