Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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