I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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