also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
