i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
