I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
