I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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