Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
This baby is an asshole
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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