five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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