I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
