guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
