yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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