I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
