can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
