Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
