We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
