In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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