Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
