it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
