Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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