The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
