I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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