I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
so much tequila, so little girl.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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