watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
