I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I got her a Nickelback box set.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
