Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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