Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
