I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
