when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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