You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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