Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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