The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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