He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
