Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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