Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
