Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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