yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
