we made out on top of his cat.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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