I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
