He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
