and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
