It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
