Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
