he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
