Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
