The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
