I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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