...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize