I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
