Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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