I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
