my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
