i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
