Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
