That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
