Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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