Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
