Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
