I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Pants are for mortals
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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