I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
