My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
