I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
